In Sickness and In Health
So, let's see... Abigail got a fever sometime early in the evening of Thursday March 15. That meant that she couldn't go to her school on Friday-- six hours extra childcare for Angela, on no notice. I had already planned to take the day off, so the impact to Angela was mitigated. Abby continued to have a mild fever all the way through Sunday evening, which meant two things: a) she was not going to school the next day (her normal schedule is Monday-Wednesday-Friday), and b) she appeared to have passed the magic three-day window after which the doctors tell you to bring the kid in to figure out why the fever hasn't gone away.
I stayed home again ("working from home") that Monday. She no longer showed a fever when we checked her temperature that morning, so we did not take her to the doctor. However, she seemed to have pink eye now, and her nose got very runny. Not long after this, the area under her nose got very raw and inflamed. Painful. Eyedrops for the pink eye, which she seemed to consider tantamount to torture.
I went in to the office on Tuesday and Wednesday, then stayed home again (working) on Thursday, as Angela had just gone two straight days taking care of Abby all day, and not doing her own thing on Wednesday.
Friday morning, crack of dawn, Abigail in the bed with us, Angela groans to me that she's sick. Not much to think about: now I pretty much had to stay home, not working. I wasn't sick to speak of-- just hurting all over my right side from my right-handed racquetball adventure. So I took my second "personal" day in just over a week. A week previously, in my agonizing way, I hadn't been sure whether to call in as sick (I still had lingering sniffles or whatever from my own cold at that point), or take an unplanned "personal" day. Here's the thing: in my old company (Adjoined), sick leave was a nebulous thing, and it wasn't clear what the "limit" was. In the most recent employee manual of the newer company (Kanbay), it says that we get seven sick days per year, and three personal days. In describing the purpose of personal days, they explicitly mention taking care of sick family members. In other words, it isn't appropriate to take a sick day, if you're not sick but are caring for someone who is sick, or providing childcare in place of someone who is sick.
This doesn't work so well for me. It would be much better if it was the other way around, seven days for me to help when others are sick, and three days for myself, or maybe five and five. Anyway, I'm coming dangerously close to boring myself here in my complaining about how to avoid awkwardness in taking time off, so I'll assume that I may have already passed that point for any readers.
So this past weekend, Angela was sick with a very sore throat and general crappy feeling. I started to feel a little achy late on Saturday (it was a little hard to tell it apart from the pretty severe muscle pain I had on the whole upper right side of my body-- did I mention I played racquetball right-handed last week?), and then felt much worse on Sunday. By Sunday evening, the worst was more or less over for me.
Good news for Monday: Abby ready to go back to her school, after more than 10 days away. I worked from home so I could help get her there and all. Neither Angela nor I very sick at this point (I was fine with a stiff dose of Tylenol, anyway). Subdued evening; I conked out on the sofa unexpectedly from around 6 to 7:30 or so. Angela had said she wanted to go to bed at 9 (!) since that's when she "has her dip", she said. I never understand this lurching around from going to bed at 12 or 1, all the way to 9. How about 10? 11? No matter: we were up till close to 12 again anyway.
Tuesday (today). Working from home again. No one really sick, but it's a non-school day, and I figured I'd help Angela transition back to the normal routine. Thing is, instead of going to bed super-early last night, Angela drank some slightly-strong green tea late-ish in the evening, and didn't sleep much. So she's dragging around today. Sigh.
I like to think that we're seeing the last of a big destabilization of our family that began (most likely) with Tara moving in. When Angela needs me at home so much, on zero notice, I feel like I'm presenting a pretty unreliable face to my client and my employer. But I don't need to see it that way: part of the reason I've stayed home as much as I have in the last week or two is-- because I can. The engagement I'm working on allows for it.
One of the biggest messages we've been getting from our joint counseling at CCEF is: one day at a time. I'm going to try to live by that.
I stayed home again ("working from home") that Monday. She no longer showed a fever when we checked her temperature that morning, so we did not take her to the doctor. However, she seemed to have pink eye now, and her nose got very runny. Not long after this, the area under her nose got very raw and inflamed. Painful. Eyedrops for the pink eye, which she seemed to consider tantamount to torture.
I went in to the office on Tuesday and Wednesday, then stayed home again (working) on Thursday, as Angela had just gone two straight days taking care of Abby all day, and not doing her own thing on Wednesday.
Friday morning, crack of dawn, Abigail in the bed with us, Angela groans to me that she's sick. Not much to think about: now I pretty much had to stay home, not working. I wasn't sick to speak of-- just hurting all over my right side from my right-handed racquetball adventure. So I took my second "personal" day in just over a week. A week previously, in my agonizing way, I hadn't been sure whether to call in as sick (I still had lingering sniffles or whatever from my own cold at that point), or take an unplanned "personal" day. Here's the thing: in my old company (Adjoined), sick leave was a nebulous thing, and it wasn't clear what the "limit" was. In the most recent employee manual of the newer company (Kanbay), it says that we get seven sick days per year, and three personal days. In describing the purpose of personal days, they explicitly mention taking care of sick family members. In other words, it isn't appropriate to take a sick day, if you're not sick but are caring for someone who is sick, or providing childcare in place of someone who is sick.
This doesn't work so well for me. It would be much better if it was the other way around, seven days for me to help when others are sick, and three days for myself, or maybe five and five. Anyway, I'm coming dangerously close to boring myself here in my complaining about how to avoid awkwardness in taking time off, so I'll assume that I may have already passed that point for any readers.
So this past weekend, Angela was sick with a very sore throat and general crappy feeling. I started to feel a little achy late on Saturday (it was a little hard to tell it apart from the pretty severe muscle pain I had on the whole upper right side of my body-- did I mention I played racquetball right-handed last week?), and then felt much worse on Sunday. By Sunday evening, the worst was more or less over for me.
Good news for Monday: Abby ready to go back to her school, after more than 10 days away. I worked from home so I could help get her there and all. Neither Angela nor I very sick at this point (I was fine with a stiff dose of Tylenol, anyway). Subdued evening; I conked out on the sofa unexpectedly from around 6 to 7:30 or so. Angela had said she wanted to go to bed at 9 (!) since that's when she "has her dip", she said. I never understand this lurching around from going to bed at 12 or 1, all the way to 9. How about 10? 11? No matter: we were up till close to 12 again anyway.
Tuesday (today). Working from home again. No one really sick, but it's a non-school day, and I figured I'd help Angela transition back to the normal routine. Thing is, instead of going to bed super-early last night, Angela drank some slightly-strong green tea late-ish in the evening, and didn't sleep much. So she's dragging around today. Sigh.
I like to think that we're seeing the last of a big destabilization of our family that began (most likely) with Tara moving in. When Angela needs me at home so much, on zero notice, I feel like I'm presenting a pretty unreliable face to my client and my employer. But I don't need to see it that way: part of the reason I've stayed home as much as I have in the last week or two is-- because I can. The engagement I'm working on allows for it.
One of the biggest messages we've been getting from our joint counseling at CCEF is: one day at a time. I'm going to try to live by that.
posted by Joel GL at 9:56 AM
1 Comments:
Hi Joel - I found your blog posts in attempting to connect some of the dots in my own part of this story.
Tara lived with us for a time after she moved out of your house and it was a pretty chaotic experience.
I imagine you and your wife have tried to put this all behind you by now. But at some point I hope we might have a chance to talk or at least compare notes. It might help me to make sense of what seems to be the strange life of a very troubled young woman.
Thank you!
I can be reached at trollboy69@hotmail.com
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